I Can Make You a Man
by Psychedelic-City
Summary: "You're gonna poke me with a WHAT?" Kurt helps Sam rehearse for WMHS's production of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Spoilers for RHGS.
1. We're All Lucky

I couldn't resist writing this, okay?

* * *

"You look... hot."

"You look..." Mercedes seemed at a loss for words as she eyed me up and down. "No comment."

"Do I look scary?" I asked, attempting my best creepy-henchman face.

"...definitely."

"Good," I said, smiling.

"This corset is so _uncomfortable,_" she whined as we made our way out of the bathroom and back to the auditorium for rehearsal.

"This bald cap is really _itchy_."

She laughed. "Alright, touché."

The minute we stepped foot in the auditorium, our jaws were on the floor. The entire auditorium had been transformed into Dr. Frank N. Furter's laboratory, complete with the elevator, red latch door, and tank from which Rocky Horror is born. Everyone was standing around, bitching and whining about their costumes. Santana and Quinn were fighting about who looked better as Magenta. Rachel and Finn were making disgusting lovey faces at each other, Rachel mimicking Susan Sarandon's "Oh, _Brad!" _perfectly. Tina and Brittany were practicing tap dancing up and down the stage, then falling on the foax-stairs. Artie was pinning on his mustache and practicing his best German accent. And then, my eyes fell on Sam.

Oh.

My.

_GaGa_.

I tried not to stare, I really did... but it was practically impossible. All he was wearing was a set of gold briefs - and boy, did he have the most beautiful body _ever_. Nevertheless, I forced my eyes away and reminded myself that the only person I was going to be kissing in this production was Quinn... gross.

"You guys look _awesome_!" Mr. Schue exclaimed, causing the chatter to die. "Now I'm gonna split you all into small groups to work on scenes. Alright, can I have Mercedes, Rachel and Finn over to stage left to work on the bedroom scene. Fantastic, alright, Artie and Tina go over to the piano and work on 'Eddie'. Brittany and Santana chill out for a few, and then Quinn, Sam and Kurt go upstage to work on the scene with the candelabra - wait, Sam, come here for a second. Alright, the rest of you, get to work!"

Of course. He assigned me the _one_ scene I have with Sam. It would be difficult enough to resist staring, but I'd have to stare at him fawning all over Quinn? This was going to be a _disaster_.

"Have fun raping Finn and Rachel," I told Mercedes as she shuffled off. She shook her head and laughed.

"Good luck having elbow-sex with Quinn."

I rolled my eyes and made my way towards the stage. Quinn was sitting there with her arms crossed and her eyebrows furrowed.

I sat down next to her. "What's the matter... sister?"

She snorted. "Very funny. And nothing, I'm just... stressed."

I patted her shoulder. "I see."

She sighed, staring straight ahead without blinking. I stood up and offered her my hand. "Ready to make out?"

"_What_?" she exclaimed. "I thought I played your _sister_!"

"Oh, so you've never seen Rocky Horror," I inquired. "Well, yes, RiffRaff and Magenta are brother and sister, but it doesn't stop them."

"That's..." Quinn rolled her eyes. "That's ridiculous. What kind of play is this?"

"The kind about alien transvestites."

She laughed, digging her fingers in her frizzy red wig. "God, what has my life come to?"

"Alright, I'm back."

We turned around to find a much more... _conservatively dressed _Sam standing behind us - He now had a gold top to match his briefs. I was half disappointed, half relieved.

"What's all this?" Quinn asked, gesturing towards the top.

"Mr. Schuester said that just the briefs were, uh, _too inappropriate_," he chuckled awkwardly.

"Alright, shall we get to the scene?" I chimed in before this conversation went too far.

"Good thinking," he said, smiling. I tried to ignore the butterflies and buried my face deep into the script.

"So the scene starts off with Quinn and I cleaning, and you're chained to the bed," I said.

"Whoa, kinky!" Sam exclaimed, then immediately looked embarrassed. Words cannot describe how cute he looked when he blushed. Quinn rolled her eyes.

"Alright, places!"

Sam tossed himself onto the sofa, which was serving temporarily as the bed until we could get the other set made. Quinn nonchalantly pretended to mop the floor, and I made dusted the air.

"Alright, then we, quote-unquote, 'exchange and evil glance'"

I raised and eyebrow at her, trying to look as creepy as possible, while she stared at me blankly.

"Okay, then I walk over to you, Sam, and I poke you with a candelabra."

"You poke me with a _what?" _

"A candelabra," I repeated. "You know, with candles? Oh, and it says here that you're supposed to be lying on your stomach."

"Oh, uh, alrighty then." He flipped over, looking up at me and grinning as if he was expecting some sign of approval. I nodded quickly, trying to ignore all the images his position was giving me.

I looked around for something I could use for the candelabra, but found nothing, and ended up grabbing Quinn's mop. Carefully, I nudged Sam's back with the tip, paranoid that I would make him uncomfortable and he would take off running and never talk to me again.

He sat up. "Cool, what do I do now?"

"Well, you're scared," I explained. "There's fire on the end of this thing. And remember, you were born, like, four hours ago. You don't know what it is, but it's hot and it's scary. Let's try it again."

I poked him again, and he sat up quickly, then stopped and stared at me. Eager to coax some reaction of of him, I jerked the mop at him, hissing like a snake. His mouth dropped open slightly. What was he _doing_? I hissed louder, moving closer and closer and jabbing the mop near his face.

"Dude, what are you doing?"

"I'm scaring you!" I yelled, frustrated. "There's fire on the end of this thing! I'm poking it near your face! You're scared!"

He continued to stare at me, dope faced, like a deer in the headlights. "Wait, huh?"

"Are you listening to me?"

"What? Oh, n-no, sorry," he avoided my eyes. "It's just, your costume is really distracting."

Oh, the irony.

"Alright, we'll work on that part more tomorrow," I said. "Now you take off running, and I make out with Quinn."

"Okay, cool," he said, grinning, then jogging upstage and standing in the wings.

_Okay, cool?_ I just said I was going to make out with his girlfriend, and he says "Okay, cool." This kid was really, really strange.

* * *

Alright, I'm stopping here for tonight. Next (and probably last) chapter tomorrow. Review!


	2. Doin' the Time Warp

So this started out as a one-shot. Then it became a two-shot. Now, I decided I'm going all out with this story - I mean full on _chaos. _

Strap on your fishnets, here we go.

* * *

"So, it goes like this," I touched my fingertips to Quinn's. "Then we slide up, that's right, and touch elbows, then cackle."

"Alright..." she said, looking extremely puzzled. "Whatever you say."

"Then... well," I paused. "I'm supposed to bite your neck, and you keep cackling."

"Um..."

"Alright, you guys!" Mr. Schue called from the podium. "Great work for the day! Now go home and get some rest. Make sure to bring your scripts on Monday!"

"Thank God," I breathed.

"Same," Quinn said, chuckling. "No offense."

"Absolutely none taken."

I made my way back towards the bathroom, peeling off my costume as I went along. I pushed the door open and tossed the bald cap and extensions on the counter. Just as I was beginning to remove my makeup, Sam came strutting in, whistling "Science Fiction". He caught sight of me, and froze.

"You like that song?" I asked, not taking my eyes off the mirror.

"Yeah," he replied, laughing awkwardly. "I'm a sucker for sci-fi movies. I'm kind of obsessed, actually."

I smiled. "So have you seen The Rocky Horror Picture Show?"

"Nah," he said, tossing his hair. "I mean, my parents are cool with Star Wars and Avatar and all that stuff, but I don't think they'd be too into alien transvestites who have lots of sex." He shrugged.

"Tell you what - why don't you come over to my house tonight and we'll watch it?" The words were out of my mouth before I could stop myself. _Shit._

"Sure, that sounds awesome," he said, smiling. My heart swelled.

"I'll invite Quinn too, she's never seen it either," I added, trying to make up for the awkwardness of the original request. His face fell.

"Nah, I don't think that's a good idea."

"Right, you two would probably want to be alone."

"Haha, yeah." His eyes wandered the room awkwardly. "And it would also be great if you could help me run some scenes? You're a great actor, and I've never even picked up a script before. I could really use your help."

My stomach was flopping in all different directions. "Sure, I'd be honored to help. Although, we only have one scene together."

"That's okay," he said. "I'm pretty sure you could play every part in this show amazingly. And it'll make up for us not getting to sing together."

I smiled. "Sounds like a plan. How about you come over at around eight?"

"Great!"

And then it was silent. Once my makeup was off, the uncomfortable truth seemed to dawn on both of us - We both had to change out of our costumes. Sam stood uncomfortably in the corner, pretending to be looking in the mirror. I considered trying to change quickly before he looked back at me, but there was no hiding from the mirror. In the end, I decided that Sam was worse off in his costume than I was, and figured that if I took the back way and ran to my car, no one would see me dressed like this in public.

"I'll see you later, then," I said, heading out the door.

"See ya, Kurt." He waved, then disappeared behind the door.

* * *

The doorbell rung at precisely 7:58. The bowl of popcorn was on the coffee table, the VHS was in the player, everything was cleaned up, and my dad was at the hospital for a check-up. Rocky Horror was the one movie he never sat through with me - for a _very_ good reason.

"Well, hello there," I said, opening the door for Sam and showing him in.

"Hey!" He looked around the room. "Nice house."

"Thank you," I replied, taking his Letterman's jacket and hanging it up. "Alright, everything's set up downstairs in my room."

"Your parent's home?" he asked, inching down the stairs.

"No, my dad has a doctor's appointment."

"What about your mom?"

Well, he was bound to ask sooner or later.

I sighed. "She died when I was eight."

"Oh," he said, sitting down next to me on the couch. "That sucks, man, I'm sorry."

"It's alright." I faked a smile. "Come on, let's watch this."

"Haha, right."

He patted my shoulder gently as I clicked play.

"This is the song you like?" I asked.

"Yeah. It mentions a lot of my favorite movies," he told me. "Who's lips are those?"

"Patricia Quinn's. She plays Magenta."

"Ohhh. And who's singing?"

"Richard O'Brien. He plays RiffRaff."

"That's who you play, right?"

"Yep."

"Are you singing it in our play?"

"Uh-huh."

"Cool. And who's doing the lips?"

"Puck."

He laughed. "Why? Shouldn't it be Quinn or Santana?"

"Ask Mr. Schue," I said. "Maybe he just has nicer lips than both of them?"

"Yeah, I guess he does."

I raised an eyebrow, confused. Did he just say that _Puck_ has nicer lips than his own girlfriend? Maybe my original theory about him was right...

"Shh, it's starting," I whispered, trying to shove that idea out of my head as the scene changed to show the front of a church.

It was pretty quiet throughout "Dammit, Janet", besides his brief comment that he wanted to punch Janet in the face. I agreed. The silence continued during the Criminologist's scene, and the scene in the car. I kept risking glances up to his face to try and see how he was reacting. His eyes were wide, and he was half-smiling. I took it to be a good sign and relaxed a little.

"Is that you?" Sam asked when the camera panned to RiffRaff in the window of the castle.

"Yes, that's RiffRaff."

"Whoa... creepy," he said. "He's awesome."

"I agree."

As the familiar opening to "The Time Warp" started playing, I had an idea.

"Come on, stand up," I told him, standing myself. "You're gonna have to learn this anyway for the closing, so you might as well get a head start."

"Wait, what?"

"Just follow my lead," I said. "There's instructions in the song, anyway."

"I can't dance."

"Doesn't matter, it's easy."

He grinned. "Alright, fine."

"I remeeeember," I sang along with the movie. "Doin' the time warp! Drinking those moments when... the blackness would eeend me, and the void would be caaaalling - LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN! "

_It's just a jump to the left,_

Sam stumbled to the right as the same time as I jumped to the left. We laughed as we bumped into each other, and he quickly scooted back over to the left.

_And then a step to the right!_

He kicked his foot out clumsily, attempting to watch me and the TV at the same time.

_Put your hands on your hips,_

His hands flew to his hips, while mine circled gracefully around my head, then back down to my hips. He raised them slightly, then jerked them back down to his hips, confused.

_Then it's the pelvic thrust, it really drives you insane!_

His eyes bugged out as I bucked my hips back and forth, then awkwardly attempted to copy me.

_Let's do the Time Warp again!_

I jumped to face the back wall, then back to the TV. Sam just stopped and watched.

"It's so dreamy," I sang along, dancing around to the back of the couch. "Oh fantasy, free me! So you can't see me, no, not at all. In another dimension, with voyeuristic intentions -" I lay down on the couch, resting my chin on the armrest. "- Well secluded, I see all. With a bit of a mind-flip, you're into the time-slip, and nothing will ever be the same."

I stood, dancing a circle around Sam. "You're spaced out of sensation, like you're under sedation! LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!"

I ran to my hat stand quickly, grabbing my top hat and sitting cross-legged on the arm of the sofa.

"Well I was walkin' down the street, just a-havin' a think, when a snake of a guy gave me an _evil_ wink! He shook me up, he took me by surprise, he had a pickup truck and the _devil's_ eyes! He stared at me and I felt a change. Time meant nothing, never would again!"

I stood up, surprised to find Sam smiling widely and prepared for the dance again.

_It's just a jump to the left,_

_ And then a step to the right!_

_ Put your hands on your hips_

_ And bring your knees in tight!_

_ Then it's the pelvic thrust,_

_ It really drives you insane!_

_ Let's do the Time Warp again!_

This time, Sam got most of the moves right. He turned around and stared as I mimicked Columbia's tap dancing, twirling and "whee!"-ing, then falling on the stairs. He laughed, then helped me up as the last "Let's do the Time Warp again!" played in the movie. We fell back onto the couch just like the Transylvanians, laughing like little children.

"My God, Kurt," Sam said when we both caught our breath. "I swear, you are the most talented person I ever met."

I blushed, and tipped my top hat at him. "Why thank you, I know."

He laughed. "I'm serious. Your voice is... wow, incredible, and you are such a great dancer, and actor too. Remember us little people when you're famous."

"Psh," I snorted in mock confidence. "You flatter me."

"It's true," he continued. "You could do this entire show by yours-"

"Shhh! This is the best part!"

And then, as Tim Curry's cape flew off, Sam's jaw hit the floor.


	3. Shivering with Anticipation

No, seriously, what did I do to deserve amazing reviewers like you? I have absolutely no idea, but keep it coming 3

* * *

"No, no, no!"

"I'm _trying_!"

"You're not trying hard enough!"

"I told you, I can't act!"

"It's not that hard, you just have to look terrified!"

"Well, no offense, Kurt, but you're not scary."

"Do you want me to get some real candles and poke them at your face?"

"No!"

"Then you're gonna have to pretend!"

Sam grunted and fell backwards onto his bed. "Let me think, what am I scared of?"

I smirked. "Just pretend that this feather duster is gonna zap away all your bottles of hair bleach and you'll do just fine."

Sam sat up before I could blink. "I do _not_ die my hair!"

"Oh really?"

"Yes, really!"

"Quinn would beg to differ."

He squinted at me. "What did she say?"

Boy, was this delicious. "At Cheerios practice the other day, she just happened to _let slip _the minute detail that her boyfriend admitted to putting lemon juice in his hair."

"She did not!"

"Oh yes she did."

Sam sighed, falling back onto his bed again. "Aaaaaarghh."

"It's not that big of a deal, I just love knowing that I was rig-"

"No, no, it's not that!" he said, running his fingers through his hair. "It's just _not true_."

"What?"

"I lied to her," he explained. "I wanted her to think I was cute, so I told her I died my hair."

Well, shit. "Oh."

"Now the whole school's gonna think I died my hair. Lovely."

I laughed. "I don't think anyone's gonna care. There are far worse things that could get out about you."

He shook his head, sitting up. "You're right, you're right."

There was a long, heavy pause.

"Well, how 'bout this," I began. "Imagine that your deepest, darkest secret had just been broadcast on Jacob Ben Isreal's blog, and every jab to your face is a nasty, hurtful comment. Let's try this again."

He nodded, gulping loudly before lying on his stomach again. Carefully, I poked his shoulder with the feather duster, and he sat up. I put on my most menacing, evil grin, and for once, he actually looked genuinely scared. _Yes_. I jabbed the duster at his face, and he reacted, retreating out of bed, then tripping, as if he was actually chained. I kept jabbing the pretend candelabra closer to his face, and he tugged, attempting to break free of his pretend restrains. He then pretended to pull away and stumble backwards, still looking terrified, and ran out of the room.

"How'd I do?" he asked, jogging back in.

"Fantastic!" I said, clapping. "I'm very proud of you."

Sam beamed. "Well, I really couldn't have done it without you.

I figured it was true.

* * *

"And a-five, six seven eight, 'It's just a jump to the left'," I called, demonstrating the dance move.

"'And then a step to the right!'" the ensemble sang back.

"Stop, stop!" I yelled, and everyone immediately stopped dancing and commenced bitching. "Top harmonies, be louder! I know it's inhumanly high, but if I can hit it so can you! Let's take it from your line, Santana."

She let out a dramatic sigh, cued Brad, and sang "'You're spaced out of sensation!"

"'Like you're under sedation!' and, TWO, THREE, FOUR -"

"'LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!"

"Alright, that was decent," I said, crossing my arms. "Let's work on the dance for a while. And FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT -"

Brad played the instrumental line while the ensemble started dancing, and Santana and I leaned on the piano.

"I can't believe Mr. Schue put us in charge of these morons," Santana whined, examining her nails.

"Excuse me, but _I'm_ the one doing all the work here," I retaliated.

"I still have to watch them," she said. "It's painful, they can't even dance."

"Please, Santana. A four year old could do this dance. It's their singing that's atro - hey!"

I looked up to find that Sam had attached himself to the line of Time Warpers, following along with the dance and smirking my way.

"Hey you!" I repeated, making my way over to him. "I'm sorry Rocky, but I believe you aren't born for another twenty minutes."

"I escaped the tank," he said, continuing to pelvic-thrust. I averted my eyes. "I wanted freedom. _Freeeedom_."

I laughed. "You are so silly. Go back and rehearse your scene with Rachel."

He frowned. "Nah, I'd rather not. She kinda scares me."

"No, no, come on," I grabbed his arm and yanked him out of the line. "I know she's scary, but you're brave. Come one."

"Noooo," he whined, then lowered his voice. "I'm not even kidding, she's terrifying. And I don't even know how to react. She's doesn't help me like you do."

My heart melted, but before I could say anything, Mr. Schue was calling across the auditorium. "Where'd Sam go? _Sam_?"

"_Go_!" I demanded. He started across the room, then stopped and turned to face me.

"Hey Kurt," he said. "D'you think you could help me with that scene too? The Touch-a...whatever? I could really use it."

"Sure," I said. "Come over at five today, okay? Just go, before you get in trouble!"

"Thanks so much, Kurt, you're amazing." He took off running.

And then it hit me. I would be rehearsing "Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me" with Sam that afternoon.

_Whoa. _


	4. Thrill Me, Chill Me, Fulfill Me

You guys are awesome, keep reviewing :) x

* * *

"Are you really sure you're okay with this?"

"Positive," said Sam, eyes darting across the room. "This is my acting debut, and I don't wanna bomb."

I raised my eyebrows. "Okay. Just remember that _you_ asked for this."

"Of course," he rubbed his palms on his knees. "Like I said, you're an amazing actor, and you can play any part in this show. You're just easier to work with than Rachel, that's all."

I faked a smile. "Right."

My stomach sank as I was brought right back to reality. To him, this was just me helping him rehearse. He would be pretending I was Rachel. He had absolutely no desire to "be dirty" with me, as the song suggested.

"Thanks so much, Kurt," he said, poking my nose. "You're the best."

"Yes, I know," I replied. "And don't touch my nose."

He chuckled as I walked over to my desk to get my script.

"So, you remember what happens in the movie, right?"

"Uh-huh," he said. "I've just been chased by dogs all over the castle, and I'm all messed up, right?"

"Right," I replied. "Then you're sitting in the tank, and Janet comes in, bitching, then hears you crying and tries to help you."

"Okay. Then what do I do when she's throwing herself at me? I mean, I know what he's supposed to do, but it's hard to... do it. Ya know?"

"Yeah," I lied, not even attempting to wrap my head around what he was saying. "Basically, you were born about five hours ago, so you don't really know what's going on, but you were built specifically for sex, so you know exactly what to do. Does that make sense?"

"Okay," he said slowly. "So I just react how I normally would if someone were throwing themselves at me?"

"Right."

"Cool. So, now I just... cry?

I nodded, and he lay down on my kitchen table and began to whimper quietly.

"Good," I told him. "Let's start."

I carefully walked over to him, removed the imaginary blanket, and gasped. Sam sat up.

"'Oh, you're hurt!'" I said in my best Janet voice. I took his arm and ran my thumb over the back of his hand. "'Did they do this to you?'"

Sam nodded, pouting. I cheered for him, internally, then banged my fist in the air and stomped my foot.

"'Here,'" I mimed ripping a piece of my imaginary skirt. "'I'll dress your wounds.'"

I wrapped the pretend cloth around Sam's hand, he looked up at me, giant blue eyes reminding me of a sad puppy. I tried to ignore the butterflies in my stomach as I told him "Uh, it says 'Rocky takes Janet's hand.'"

He nodded quickly, slowly taking my hand into his. My skin felt as if a thousand shock waves were going through it at once. I looked away awkwardly, as Janet is supposed to do, then continued to stroke his hand with the pretend fabric. Then I reached across to the counter and started the music.

_I was feeling done in, couldn't win_

_I'd only ever kissed before._

_I thought there's no use getting_

_Into heavy petting_

I carefully brought Sam's hand up to my chest, then pushed it down quickly.

_It only leads to trouble and... seat wetting._

I looked up at him through my eyelashes. He swallowed hard.

_Now all I want to know, is how to go_

My hand found it's way onto Sam's shoulder.

_I've tasted blood and I want more._

I ripped another piece of my imaginary skirt.

_I'll put up no resistence, I want to stay the distance _

I inched closer and closer to him, circling around the table. He stood up.

_I've got an itch to scratch_

_I need assistence!_

My arms flew around his neck, my legs wrapping around his body.

_Touch a touch a touch me!_

_I wanna be dirty!_

I pulled his body closer to mine, and he pulled away, as it said in the script for him to do. I wasn't sure if he remembered he was supposed to do that, or if he was truly uncomfortable.

_Thrill me, chill me, fufill me,_

_Creature of the night!_

Swooped down so his face was in line with my groin, then swooped under my leg. That was the exactly what it said for him to do in the script, and I was beginning to question how much he actually needed my help. I stood up so we were both standing.

_Then if anything grows, while you pose_

_I'll oil you up and drop you down_

I paced closer to him, my face dangerously close to his. He paced backwards, smiling at me.

_And thats just one small fraction_

_Of the main attraction_

_you need a friendly hand_

I yanked his hands up to my chest.

_And I need action!_

_Touch a touch a touch me!_

_I wanna be dirty!_

My eyes fluttered shut as he generously ran his hands across my chest. It took all my willpower to keep my raging sixteen-year-old hormones in check.

_Thrill me, chill me, fufill me,_

_Creature of the night!_

I backed me up towards the table, climbing on top of him as he continued to stroke my chest. In any other circumstances, this would be completely awkward, but for some reason, neither of us seemed to care. He ran his hands all over my neck and shoulders, then, right on cue, flipped me over so he was on top.

_Creature of the night!_

_Creature of the night!_

My eyes fluttered shut, head lolling from side to side.

_Creature of the night!_

Sam buried his face in my neck.

_Creature of the night!_

All the blood in my body felt as if it were going straight to my groin, and I was forgetting that we were Rocky and Janet, not Sam and Kurt.

_Creature of the night!_

My hormones were taking over as I ran my hands down his back and looked my left leg around his. I could barely even notice him grinding against me, I was so lost.

_Creature of the night!_

He sang along this time too, pulling up slightly.

_Creature of the night._

The music ended abruptly, and suddenly, we were back in my kitchen. Both of us were breathing heavily, and he didn't seem to want to get off me. The two of us lay there, on the table, catching our breaths, neither of us daring to discuss what had just happened. We could have stayed there for hours if it wasn't for the sound of the footsteps coming down the stairs.

"What the hell is going on here?"

Sam flew off me in an instant, looking like a deer in the headlights. He crossed his legs and leaned against the counter, trying to look innocent. I attempted a smile, but failed miserably.

"Dad," I said, trying to keep my voice from shaking. "This is Sam. We're rehearsing for the school musical."

My dad squinted. "Riiiiiight." He turned to Sam. "Hi, I'm Kurt's dad."

Sam took his hand and shook it, still looking terrified. "Hi, Mr. Hummel."

There was a long, awkward silence.

"Are you two sure everything's okay?"

We both nodded quickly.

"Actually, uh, I think I'll be going now," Sam said, grabbing his bag and heading towards the door. My heart sank. "Thanks Kurt, I'll - er - see you later. Bye Mr. Hummel."

And then he was gone. My dad went back upstairs.

I was by myself in the kitchen, feeling lonelier than ever.


	5. Removing the Cause

Sorry I haven't updated in a few days, I've been super busy :P Here's a short little filler chapter. Review, my unconventional conventionalists!

* * *

The entire cast was bustling around me in the auditorium. Everyone seemed to have some song to run, some dance to practice, some scene to rehearse, some costume to change, something important to do... everyone, except me. Not that I didn't have anything to do, because I did. But in all honestly, all I felt like doing was sitting on the fluffy prop couch and going over the previous night in my head.

I got carried away. I let my feelings get the best of me. I made Sam uncomfortable. And now... well, now he was never going to speak to me again. And to think I was beginning to doubt he was...

_No_, I told myself. I couldn't get lost in my wishful thinking again. It only hurt me more.

"What's your deal?"

I looked up from my lap to find Quinn, in her Transylvanian Party-Goer costume, sitting down next to me. I sighed.

"Nothing, I'm just thinking."

"I see." She nodded, looking down. Something was obviously wrong with her, too.

"How about you?" I asked.

She scoffed. "My boyfriend just broke up with me."

My mind practically exploded. "Really?"

She nodded.

"Do you have any idea why?"

She opened her mouth as if to say something, but then shook her head.

Neither of us said anything for a while after that. Could this mean...? Did this mean...? _No_, I reminded myself. _Just because he looks gay and acts gay and seems to be interested in rehearsing with you and just broke up with his girlfriend doesn't mean he _is_ gay. _In reality, though, they made quite a nauseating couple. They looked like brother and sister, to be honest. And everything they did together was so awkward, it was bordering in painful.

I looked up at her. "May I be blunt?"

"Be my guest."

"I...I think it might be for the best," I said tentatively. "Dating the new kid will be pretty dangerous to your newly restored crystalline reputation, and Puckerman is still hung up o-"

"You like him, don't you?"

_Oh shit_. "What?"

"I see the way you look at him."

"Quinn, it's really, I mean, I..." Okay, she won. "...is it really that obvious?"

Quinn smiled. Then giggled, followed by another giggle. Soon, she was laughing, covering her mouth shyly.

"What's so funny?"

She shook her head. "Nothing, nothing." Then she mumbled something to herself that I couldn't make out.

"Fine then, Quinn, be that way."

"I'm sorry," she said, patting my shoulder. "I gotta go change, I'm doing the number where I wear a big metal dress next."

She stood up, prancing away, with the distinct look on her face that told me she knew something I didn't.

I continued sitting on the couch, watching everyone scramble around, avoiding contact with humanity and drowning on my own thoughts. What could she have been laughing about? She wasn't _that _mean spirited that she would laugh at my hopelessly unrequited crush, was she? My musings were soon interrupted by a change in weight on the other side of the couch. Sam had plopped himself down, arms crossed, looking frustrated. The paranoia rose in my throat.

"Hey you," I said nonchalantly.

"Hey," he replied. "Thanks for helping me yesterday. Sorry I had to leave early."

"It's no problem. Sorry about my dad."

He chuckled. "S'okay. He was just being protective, I get it."

"So what are you working on now?" I asked, eager to change the subject.

"Oh, you know, just general stuff."

"I see."

We sat there in silence for a few moments, the awkwardness thick in the air. Then, he spoke.

"Actually, Kurt, I think there's another scene you could help me with..."


	6. Glisten and Gleam

"No."

"Why no?"

"No way!"

"Come on, Kurt!"

"NO!"

"Please?"

"Forget it."

"But - "

I whipped around to face him, livid.

"I am _not_ about to put on a pair of heels and a corset just to rehearse that scene with you!"

"But the whole point is that I need to get used to the crazy outfit."

"Yeah, but Mercedes is a _girl_!"

"Oh, so you have something against transvestites."

"NO!" God, I wanted to smack him. "What makes you think I even own heels?"

"I overheard Mercedes and Quinn talking about how you wore, like, the craziest heels when you guys did a GaGa number."

_Dammit. _"...I don't know, Tim Curry has huge shoes to fill..."

"Hey, personally, I think you should've been cast as Frank."

I whipped around again, my face inches from him. "Why, cause I'm gay?"

"No!" His hands flew to his hair. "Gaaaaaah. It's just, you're _so _talented-"

"To be perfectly honest, Samuel," I replied. "Frank N. Furter is tall and extremely masculine. I don't think my body fits the bill."

"So, you're saying you're not man enough?"

Okay, that was it. "You know what?"

I marched downstairs without saying another word, leaving Sam dumbstruck in my living room. I slammed the door behind me, heading straight towards my closet.

_Oh, I'll show him man enough. _

I kicked my Converse off, pulling my GaGa heels out from the back of my shoe rack. I slipped them on, biting my lip to keep from crying out in pain. I don't know what I was smoking when I bought those. I yanked open my bottom dresser drawer, digging through the other miscellaneous costume garments I had in there until I found my corset. I wore it once at the beginning of sophomore year... bad idea. I hadn't touched it since. My shirt was off in a matter of seconds, and I was lacing up the corset, fingers shaking with fury. I marched up the stairs, relishing in every loud _clack! _ of my heels.

"_Whoa._" Sam's eyes bugged open like a deer in the headlights, and his jaw dropped.

"Got a problem?"

"What? Oh, no," He shook his head. "You look... holy _shit._"

"Fuck you, Sam," I spat, my feet stinging. He smirked, raising an eyebrow. "Now here's the rule - if I have to be in costume, you have to be in costume too."

"Fine." He pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it on the coffee table.

"Pants too."

"_What?"_

"Do you not see my feet?" I shouted. "I'm wearing _prostitute heels. _Let's go!"

I was going to make this hell for him. I didn't care if he was gay, like I was now pretty sure he was, or straight as an arrow, but I was going to make him _so_ uncomfortable. Almost as uncomfortable as I was in that outfit. I started the instrumental track on my laptop, pushed Sam back onto the couch, and began.

_A weakling weighing ninety-eight pounds_

_Will get sand in his face when kicked to the ground._

I circled around him slowly, leaning in close to his ear.

_And soon in the gym with a determined chin,_

Kneeled down next to him, placing two fingers underneath his chin and lifting his head to look at me.

_The sweat from his pores as he works for his cause..._

_Will make him glisten... and gleam _

_And with massage, and just a little bit of..._

I whispered into his ear -

_...steam._

I chuckled maliciously. Sam gulped loudly, flushing bright red.

_He'll be pink and quite clean _

_He'll be a strong man. _

I ran my hand down his arms, squeezing gently.

_Oh honey, but the wrong man. _

I stood up, yanking him up with me.

_He'll eat nutritious high protein and swallow raw eggs. _

I circled around him, running my hands along his shoulders.

_Try to build up his shoulders, his chest, arms, and..._

I slid my hand down from his navel to the lining of his briefs, then pulled it away.

_...legs. _

_Such an effort if he only knew of my plan. _

_In just seven days, I can make you a man. _

I strut around the couch, then moved to straddle the arm of the couch.

_He'll do press-ups, and chin-ups, do the snatch, clean and jerk. _

_He thinks dynamic tension must be hard work. _

I thrust against the arm before standing and pushing Sam down onto the couch again.

_Such strenuous living I just don't understand _

I climbed on top of him, straddling his lap.

_When in just seven days, oh baby..._

I leaned in close to his face, my lips inches from his. He looked terrified. I chuckled seductively.

_I can make you a man._

The room was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. I smirked, standing up and pretending to dust my hands off.

"A plus," I told him, crossing my arms. "Now go home."

"Huh?"

"We're done here," I said casually, nodding towards the door. "Get dressed and go home."

He looked absolutely dumbfounded as he threw his clothes back on and grabbed his bag. I couldn't help but notice how his pants looked significantly tighter than before. I laughed.

_Mission accomplished. _


	7. Madness Takes its Toll

Alright, I've kept you guys waiting long enough. This is the chapter you've all been waiting for :3 Thanks for your reviews, I really appreciate them! Keep 'em coming, hehe.

* * *

"Who has the purple eyeshadow?"

"I NEED MORE GLITTER!"

"My sequins keep falling off!"

"I picked up the wrong boa!"

"HOW MANY MINUTES TILL SHOWTIME?"

"Who took my hair gel?"

"WHERE THE HELL IS FINN?"

"Holy shit, look at all those people!"

"EVERYBODY _SHUT_ _UP_!"

The dressing room fell silent with my command, every cast member turning to face me.

"We're on in five minutes," I continued in a calmer tone. "Please, _quietly_, finish up your costumes and get in your places. Rachel, Finn, we need you in the wings!"

"I don't know where he went!" said Rachel frantically.

"He probably just went to the bathroom," I told her. "I'll go get him."

I made my way out from backstage, jogging down the hallway and into the bathroom. Unfortunately, Finn wasn't in there... but Sam was. He was leaning against the sink, looking ghostly pale and sick to his stomach. He may or may not have been muttering to himself - I couldn't quite tell. I debated whether to leave him alone, or whether to intervene.

"What's the matter, Rocky?" I said, deciding on the latter.

He looked up from the sink, looking startled. "What? Oh, hey. Nothing I..."

"You...?"

"I can't do this, Kurt." When he turned to face me, I could see tears in his eyes. Suddenly, I felt bad for him.

"Of course you can," I told him. "Just remember everything we rehearsed."

"I can't," he cried, shaking his head. "God, Kurt, you're an amazing, actor, and teacher, and I really appreciate what you did for me... but... I've never performed in front of an audience before. Ever. Especially not in tiny little gold shorts, making out with everyone on stage. _I don't want to do a freakin' sex scene with Rachel!_ Not in front of a crowd, not ever!"

The air was frozen. Carefully, I moved closer to him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Hey. There's no backing out now. I believe in you, Sam. You're gonna be great."

He cracked a smile. "Really?"

I nodded. "Uh-huh. Now let's go, we have a show to do!"

* * *

Everything was going smoothly... well, as smoothly as an opening night of Rocky Horror can go. Finn tripped several times, Santana fell off the banister, the top harmonies _still_ weren't loud enough, and several other small mistakes were made. The audience didn't seem to notice, though. Most likely, none of them had every seen Rocky Horror in their lives, so we didn't have to worry that much. In fact, the applause was pretty light, which made me think most of them were scared shitless. Oh well. Lima sucks.

Sam was doing extremely well, surprisingly. He sang perfectly, and his reaction to Mercedes being all over him was spot-on. As the candelabra scene drew closer, my worries were starting to subside. When the time came, I picked up my candelabra, a real one this time, and poked it into his back.

The scene went just as rehearsed - Sam looked terrified, sitting up and attempting to pull away as I jabbed the candles in his face - but there was something new behind his eyes. He was staring bullets into me, but his eyes were soft, as if we were sharing some sort of inside joke. When he pulled away from the chains, I set the candelabra down and watched him take off running. And then, he skidded to a halt and turned around.

_What is he doing!_

Without a warning, he came charging back at me, flinging his arms around my waist and crushing his lips down onto mine. He tasted like watermelon or something of the sort, and he was shoving his tongue in my mouth before I could even respond. I wrapped my arms around his neck, completely forgetting where we were and what was happening. We were the only people in the entire universe, and it was utter madness. He pulled away after what felt like hours, looking absolutely mortified. Suddenly, we were back on the stage of the April Rhodes Civic Pavilion, where an entire audience was watching with bated breath. He stood there awkwardly, before running backstage as fast as he could. I was rooted in place, dumbfounded, trying to get a grip of what just happened.

_Sam just kissed me on stage dressed as Rocky Horror in front of a thousand people. _

I glanced over at Quinn, who was dying of laughter. I shook my head, trying to get back into character as I walked over to her. I cackled maliciously, bringing our elbows together, trying to focus. I could feel her giggles when I leaned in to bite her neck, just as she whispered -

"_I knew it_."


	8. Relieving the Tension

Oh my God, you guys, RHGS airs tomorrow! In the mean time, have the last chapter of this fic ;D After this, I'm taking a looooong break from fanfiction. I'm just so busy, and I don't have time. That's why my chapters have been so short. Anyway, I hope you enjoy, and thanks so much for reading :)

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Returning to the chaos of backstage, I only had one goal - _find the kid who just kissed me_. It was a pretty impossible goal, though. Everyone was running around, screaming, with feathers and sequins everywhere. Multiple people were trying to get my attention, for, on top of being RiffRaff, I was also the stage manager. I ignored them, though. I needed to find Sam.

I soon realized that he wasn't backstage. He wasn't in the bathroom either. Suddenly, I began to worry. What if he had gone home? What if he regretted what he did? But in the back of my mind, I knew the truth - Sam really liked me, almost as much, if not more, than I liked him.

I ran down the hallway, peering into different classrooms, but all of them were empty. I was about to run outside when I heard the unmistakeable sound of guitar strumming. I skidded to a halt and ran back in the direction of the sound.

It was coming from the choir room. Sam was sitting on the piano bench, playing his guitar and singing quietly. He was looking down, and still wearing his gold shorts. I laughed, and listened harder. The song sounded familiar, but it took me a while to realize what it was.

"_...long but I ran it. There's a fire in my heart, and you fan it. If there's one fool for you, then I am it. Now I've one thing to say, and that's dammit..." _he mumbled something I couldn't understand. "_...I love you."_

That was it. I opened the door and quietly crept inside.

"You know, of all the couples that hook up in this show, Rocky and RiffRaff aren't one of them."

Sam jumped, startled. Then he sighed, looking down nervously. I sad down next to him, smirking.

"Listen, Kurt," he began. "I know I've been asking a lot of you, and I didn't really thank you properly... and I know I have the worst timing in the world, and I probably ruined the show, and my house is gonna get egged by angry Rocky Horror devotees, but I couldn't help myself. You're probably gonna think I'm crazy, hell, I even think I'm crazy, but I need you to know, right here and right now, that I love you."

My insides exploded with joy, and I chuckled. "I know."

"I'm sorry, but - wait, what?"

"_I know._"

Sam's face turned the color of Magenta's hair, and he held his face in his hands. "Well shit, Han Solo, was it that obvious?"

I giggled. "I knew you'd appreciate that reference."

He sighed, half laughing, and slumped against that piano. "God, I'm such a loser."

I scooted closer to him, placing my hand on his cheek gently. His eyes fell shut. "Hey. You're not a loser. For the record, I really like you too."

He sat up, his face brightening. "You do?"

I nodded. "And I really did enjoy that kiss."

He smirked. "Really?"

"Uh-huh," I told him, grinning. "In fact, I'd like to try it again."

"Do you, now?"

"Yes, I do."

"Really? Are you sure?"

"Sam," I said sternly. "Shut the fuck up and kiss me."

"Yessir."

And with that, he snaked his arms around my waist and pulled me in for a sweet, delicate kiss. I brought my hand back up to his cheek, stroking gently as he probed my lips with his tongue. I gladly allowed him access, which caused the kiss to heat up _very _fast. I absolutely could not believe that I was kissing Sam Evans, dressed as Rocky Horror, who had just told me he loved me. I couldn't think about it too much, though, it was ruining the moment. The two of us were trying to get as close as possible without climbing on top of each other, but Sam threw that to the wind as he attempted to pull me onto his lap. Somehow, after what felt like hours, we found ourselves cuddled up underneath the piano, lips swollen and skin covered in love bites. Sam held me in his strong arms as I placed innocent kisses on his shoulder. How I got that lucky, I can't even begin to know.

"Hey, check this out."

"What?" I followed his gaze, and noticed what he was looking at. Underneath the piano were hundreds of little carvings with couple's initials and hearts. Sam looked at me, then back at the carvings, and smiled. "I've always wanted to do this."

I laughed. "Me too. It's so corny and cliché, yet never manages to lose its romantic meaning."

"Can I?" he asked. I nodded, handing him a safety pin from the back of my costume and curling back up against him as he carved.

"Say, Rocky," I whispered. "Shall we, _ahem_, finish up that Touch-a Touch-a rehearsal my dad interrupted this weekend?"

Sam grinned goofily. "That sounds like a really good idea." He bit his lip then pointed upward. "Alright, I'm done, look."

My heart melted. He had carved, in small, messy letters -

S. E. + K. H.

_ (aka Rocky and RiffRaff)_

_ In just seven days, he made me a man x3_


End file.
